Woman warrior workouts are named after women who have been affected by Military Sexual Trauma (MST).  Ashley is working to recover from MST and the associated PTSD.  Here is her workout and story that she so courageously shared.

Workout:

15 minute AMRAP

10 squat cleans
10 burpee over bar
8 squat cleans
10 burpee over bar
6 squat cleans
10 burpee over bar
4 squat cleans
10 burpee over bar
Squat cleans for remaining time

Athletes choose weight. Score is the total of each burpee and each lb. lifted.

Ashley’s story:

I still remember sitting in my therapist’s office when she told me I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At first, I was confused because I had never deployed. Hell, my husband is a combat Vet with two campaigns under his belt and he doesn’t have PTSD, how do I have it? Immediately I felt ashamed, “not worthy” of the diagnosis I was given.

“How Could He Do This To Me?”

It took me six years to tell anyone that I was sexually assaulted when I was in the Navy. There were many reasons for my silence. I never trusted my chain of command due to how they handled other situations, I was drinking underage, not to mention that I was an MP. I was afraid of getting in trouble, losing my qualifications, my weapon, my job. The biggest reason of all; I worked with my perpetrator. I knew him. How could he do this to me?

For a long time I convinced myself that it never happened or that I deserved it. Every day was a constant battle pushing away suicidal thoughts, blaming the depression and anxiety on other things that were happening in my life at the time, taking showers after having flashbacks because I felt him on me and I wanted so badly to wash it all away. I was coping with all of this through alcohol which also put a strain on my marriage.

Realizing I Needed Help

Finally, about three years ago I had a mental break down and thats when I first realized that I needed help. I needed to tell someone. I needed to tell my Husband who I had been keeping this secret from since we first met. I am so thankful I did because from there I found a therapist who I saw once, sometimes twice a week for about two years. The sessions were hard and took a lot out of me both physically and mentally, I tried probably about a dozen different medications to try and ease the depression, anxiety, and insomnia along with all the other symptoms I was experiencing.

Recovering

Today, I still have PTSD from military sexual trauma. I still have flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and insomnia. I still have to take medication which helps to a point. I am not in therapy anymore. But through out those years the one thing that has been pretty constant for me and that has helped me feel like the me before the assault, is Crossfit. Crossfit right now is my therapy. An hour a day I am able to be around other people and actually talk to them without mumbling, completely disassociating, or feeling like I am going to have a panic attack. On good days I am engaged and I smile, I set PR’s, and am able to completely get out of my head for at least an hour. It is such a relief. On bad days, I still try and force myself to go and I never regret it because I can aim all my emotion, anxiety, anger, fear, what have you and take it out on that WOD. And I always feel better after, tired maybe, but better and right now that is helping me take control and heal.